Becoming an independent provider is definitely not an easy job. Even more daunting is the ability to last in an industry that’s not considered to be ‘socially acceptable’ — without punishing your liver and brain cells. So, I’d like to share the valuable lessons I’ve learned, and offer some advice to providers who might be starting out, or have been struggling with any of a number of specific issues.
I definitely don’t think of myself as any expert or anything, and I’ll be first to admit that sometimes I have been a complete fuck up and made plenty of really poor decisions. That said, I have seen enough (and experienced enough) both in and out of the industry that I think I might have some useful advice for anyone starting out.
So, first of all, ask yourself these questions:
• What kind of provider do you want to be?
• What are your boundaries or limitations?
• What image or persona do you want to present to clients?
Everyone’s so different and everyone has something to offer. As much as clients vary, so do the women in this industry. When I started, I learned that trying to be something I wasn’t was really awkward awkward and strange. My anxiety skyrocketed and I would begin to sweat — I felt I was about to give a big stage performance, and it just wasn’t me. I also found myself in many awkward situations that I definitely didn’t care for. For instance, I sometimes found myself in duos with people I did not feel comfortable with. And domination sessions were sometimes difficult — while it was an interesting experience to turn someone into some sort of animal species and whip the crap out of him, it was definitely way out of my expertise.
The point: When you first start out in this business, it really becomes tricky as to what are you’re okay with — and what you’re not okay with. If you compare yourself to others you read about, meet or work with, you might begin to feel you should offer particular services that you may not actually be comfortable with. Don’t.
My rule: If you’ve never tried it in your personal life, you probably wouldn’t be okay with it in your professional life. Yes, there have been times I’ve tried things out of curiosity in my professional life with someone I was comfortable with, but in general I try to test the waters in my private life first. At the very least I do think that it’s wise to try new things with clients who are regulars, rather than with strangers. You don’t need to do anything you don’t want to do. Pushing your own boundaries will just exhaust you — sex is personal and you need to decide for yourself what is works for you.
Drama doesn’t get you anywhere
The most bizarre dramas can occur in this industry. As messed up as most of the drama is, it all makes some sort of sense. Women are competitive and jealous whether they are in the sex industry or not, and the best advice I can give is pretty simple: Get used to it. Also, don’t let it get to you.
What’s fascinating about much of the drama that goes on is that most of it’s online. Don’t get me wrong, I think online bullying and stalkers are awful, and escort message board moderators need to take it seriously and nip it in the bud. My best advice: Ignore the crap, have a good laugh at it, and it will all blow over sooner than otherwise.
When Vice magazine recently published a piece about escort screening processes — in which I was quoted — some forums had hobbyists in an uproar beyond anything even I could have imagined. I had a number of abusive messages from clients/escorts. In reality, it wasn’t such a big deal at all and I weeded out a whole lot of guys who I probably didn’t want to meet anyways. Not giving a shit really helps. I know times are tough and I know the market is saturated with girls who are hurting for cash, but causing drama doesn’t do any of us any good. Bitching, whining, and back-stabbing helps nothing. And for those of you who are causing online drama, here’s my advice: KNOCK IT OFF!
So, next rule: Trust your gut
For anyone getting into this business, I’d say that most girls you meet (at least who I’ve met) have both feet on the ground, and are really amazing great people. I have met some of the most talented, smart, creative and interesting women ever. But, at the same time, a few of them are sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists — and a few may be crossing over through all three of these categories.
If something seems weird, you’re probably right. As cliché as it sounds, if something seems too good to be true it probably is. I learned the hard way that as much as I cared about particular friends who I had in this business when I began, I realized they really only cared about themselves. And a couple of providers I’d met in passing, definitely had a few tricks up their sleeve to infiltrate my business and attempt to control me. I learned pretty quickly that allowing other providers to be overly involved in your working life can backfire; you may realize that everything you had been doing was not actually for your benefit at all, it was for others.
There. That’s enough for now. Lessons repeated: Set your own boundaries. Avoid drama. And trust your gut. Next time, let’s talk about MONEY and a variety of other topics I have advice on!
Until next time!