This next blog is definitely a tough one to talk about. BOUNDARIES. What are the rules and boundaries clients and providers should follow in order to maintain an enjoyable experience for both parties involved? How do we know when we may have crossed the line? The question of boundaries is so relative to the individuals and can be a difficult one to comprehend and can be tricky to maintain if boundaries get crossed. Each individual will have their own rules and must decide for themselves what works and doesn’t work for them. I can attest that it is often confusing on both sides, and lines can get a little blurred especially if there is little to no communication about boundaries, whether it be in terms of physical or personal/relationship boundaries.
Creating physical boundaries as a client and provider are a lot more clearly defined than personal boundaries. Both parties must be aware and clear about what they are getting and receiving in their interaction. As a provider, I believe it is WAY more important to know ones limits and be able to stay firm on those limits for one’s own psychological/physical well being. Knowing ones limits has been an issue for some providers that I have met over the course of my time being an SP, and there are some who may have lost sight of what their boundaries are; whether it be how many clients they should be seeing, how long they are able to see clients and what they do with clients. Even for myself, I have struggled drawing the line in the sand when it came to extended visits with more high maintenance clients, and I now know to really consider if I am able to handle a situation or not. As business owners, we have to call the shots and we make the rules that clients should follow…After all, it is OUR BODY.
As we see particular clients more often than others it may become apparent that sometimes we waver our boundaries or choose to do more with one client than another as we see fit. What one provider may be comfortable with, another may not. I guess that is the beauty of this industry. One day you may want to try something a little more kinky than usual, then another day you would rather bathe in something more vanilla. SPs vary from person to person like our clients, and our sexuality is fluid also depending on the day and depending on our comfort and mood. As a provider, I have come to understand that some people you may hit it off physically and mentally, while others you don’t. Neither of you should take this personally. I have experienced plenty of lovely clients who didn’t click with me, while other providers were fabulous with them, and vice versa. It really all depends. As clients, it is best to be open and honest about your boundaries and expectations before getting physical so that you don’t leave disappointed and shall I dare say…leave a crappy review! EEEK!
When it comes to more personal or relationship issues, clients and SPs both vary what they are comfortable sharing or not sharing in their business. I have heard all kinds of stories in this industry about clients crossing over more personable boundaries: Some relationships between clients and providers might be very anonymous with very little known about each other at all and they stick to the matter, while others grow to become full blown romantic relationships, where they become boyfriend and girlfriend (or maybe even husband and wife). In some instances they may become great friends or sexual confidantes. As much as I cannot judge those who cross the relationship lines, however let’s keep it real…this is BUSINESS.. and a very personal business at that. I hate to break any clients’ hearts, but if you think that you are going to become a provider’s boyfriend/girlfriend, the chances are slim to none. If she is leading you to believe there is a chance… I would seriously second guess it. I am not saying I have never met a client who I wouldn’t consider to be a great and wonderful person, but I simply cannot think of them as anymore than a great friend with benefits. I would like to think this is a good thing, since this industry is supposed to be a service or a fantasy for clients and not a situation which may put anyone’s personal life at risk in anyway. For my own respect for the industry as a legitimate business, separating my romantic life from my work life is incredibly important. If a provider/client wants to cross this line, it definitely can get messy and I am sure we have all heard these horror stories both in the industry, the office and other work places.
I think it is truly up to the providers and clients themselves to decide what kind of physical, social and personal boundaries they should cross with each other. It is a really tricky situation when you cross that line of friendship, but I feel monetary exchange should never cheapen our moments together. In fact, if a client is to become friends with their regular service providers, I think it is only to be expected that you take care of them as you would do to any friend. And actually, even better since you share such intimate moments together.
I would like to think that times spent with clients and the exchange of money and/or gifts be a token of mutual respect of each other. Maybe some advice I would give to SPs is to never take their clients’ generosity for granted.This business is not just about taking. All relationships are give and take, including client/provider relationships. It’s never a one way street and providers should not abuse or take advantage of such relationships. We have to show some graciousness for those who take care of us and treat us extra special. Some clients have become dear friends of mine that I hope will be my friends for life and it is entirely up to me to decide what I personally share with them mentally, emotionally or physically. Maybe my way of showing them could be time off the clock or another token of my appreciation. It is entirely up to oneself to decide how to appreciate their clients or when it’s time to cut them loose.
For clients who may not become long term, I can honestly say there are even some that maybe, without even knowing it, had an incredibly positive impact on me personally, just because they were so kind and sweet. Even if I may never have seen them again, their kindness definitely helped me through rough times. I really appreciate meeting anyone who can come see me and other providers and just have a good time. I always try to take care of anyone who I meet to the best to my abilities. And if that meeting were to be just for shits and giggles or a prolonged rendez-vous, I hope that both of us walk away feeling good and that we both want the best for each other in our personal lives. No one needs to feel taken advantage in such intimate situations. I personally never get hung up on whether clients become repeats. I hope they still had a good time and I hope they still continue having enjoyable experiences with other providers in the future should they decide to do so.
I would like to think of providers as being life, relationship, sexual confidantes that can encourage you to have better things in your life, however small or big those particular aspects may be. Whether or not we even get that personal with each other is totally dependent on the situation. But for those I communicate with and see on a regular basis, I definitely hope for only the best of things for them and I hope they would feel the same about myself and any other providers they see. I definitely consider many wonderful clients – Great friends.
I guess this ends another hippie rant from Lisbeth…. I am not sure if what I have written makes any sense to anyone, but hopefully there are some people who may see it this way. For the rest of you, I will have a good chuckle at your criticism and trash talk about my rates…ha ha…
Until next time…